It’s a well-known fact that if you want to be successful in life you have to learn to be an effective communicator. Someone who can effectively convey their thoughts and feelings will always have an advantage in life. Are these skills learnable or innate? On today’s Real Estate Coaching and Training podcast, Tim and Julie Harris will help you to drill down on the exact techniques that the world’s most effective communicators have used throughout history.
Do people want to listen to you?
The most important tool you have in real estate and in life is your voice. Build good habits and delete the old ones that are likely holding you back from success.
Your voice affects everything you do not just in real estate but in life, so it just makes sense that you would polish your skills and reap the benefits of your hard work. Sometimes just changing your tonality, your pace or even just a single word makes all the difference.
Plato said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”
How do your listeners perceive you? How would you rate your own conversations? Does your family respond differently than your best friend? How does that compare to your conversations with your past clients and centers of influence? Do you embrace meetings or dread them? What kind of results are you getting in real estate? In life?
If you fear the phone, the live presentation, negotiating, or anything else requiring good conversation skills, this is where you need to do the work.
Julian Treasure is the author of the books How to be Heard and Sound Business. His five TED talks have been watched more than 100 million times. ‘How to speak so that people want to listen’ is in the top 10 TED talks of all time.
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P.S. This is the same system Tim and Julie used when they were top-producing agents.
Julian talks about the 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking. How many are you committing? Which ones have you intuitively pruned from your presentation style?
1 – Gossip: Speaking ill of someone, not present. The message you’re sending the listener is that 10 minutes from now you might be gossiping about them. If you’ll talk about Max like that, you could talk about me just the same. A bad habit to prune from your conversations. Gossip should not be your currency.
2 – Judging: Once your listener has picked up your judging them, they cease to listen and are immune to responding to your attempts to you in a positive way. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you have to make it a topic of conversation. Maybe that buyer loves black cabinets and you just said this is the most hideous kitchen you’ve ever seen.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” -Benjamin Franklin
3 – Negativity: Complaining, spreading doubt is what Julian Treasure calls ‘spreading viral misery’. This just makes your listener want to get away from you as quickly as possible, and they certainly won’t want to come back for more. They won’t say that to you, they’ll just not call you back.
4 – Excuses: Are you wielding a ‘blame-thrower’? Own it. All of it. Even if it’s only partially your fault. It’s honorable and an amazing example to set for your kids, clients and friends to be accountable. For example:
How to actually deliver an apology that is meaningful: 4 part process.
– Acknowledge the offending behavior: “I forgot to send the signatures back in time.” Versus: ‘The signatures weren’t sent in time’, or ‘I couldn’t find the other agent’…
– State how the mistake was hurtful. “I’m sorry that this caused you a lot of stress. It was entirely my fault.”
– Make amends. “Here’s how I’m going to fix the situation.” -or- ask the offended party how you can make things better. Letting them be heard can erase negative feelings and correct course.
– Promise the behavior will not happen again. “In the future, I’ll be communicating with you more and letting you know exactly what deadlines are coming up and which have been met.”
Brian Tracy said, “Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.”
5 – Exaggeration: Exaggeration is a prequel to lying. Don’t be the drama king or queen in the relationship. This is a turn-off and causes people not to trust your accuracy. How do you feel about home inspectors who run off your buyers when there’s a tiny plumbing leak?
6 – Dogmatism: This is the confusion of facts with opinions. This is most apparent when someone is delivering their opinion with such enthusiasm that it appears to be fact. Once this is detected, the trust factor of the listener is diminished.
You’ll notice that the internet is full of Dogmatism.
“Don’t bother to argue anything on the Internet. And I mean, ANYTHING…. The most innocuous, innocent, harmless, basic topics will be misconstrued by people trying to deconstruct things down to the sub-atomic level and entirely miss the point…. Seriously. Keep peeling the onion and you get no onion.” -Vera Nazarian
7 – Lying. Lying to cover your tracks, lying to obfuscate the truth, lying to manipulate, lying to dodge accountability. Simply have a policy to not be a liar.
Julian Treasure suggests that we put a positive light on all of this to get on the right track with our presentation and communication. He suggests the word ‘HAIL’ to remind us of some speaking cornerstones:
Honesty: Be accurate, be truthful.
Authenticity: Be yourself. We often coach you to be yourself FIRST, be you selling real estate SECOND.
Integrity: Do what you say you’re going to do when you say you’ll do it. Underpromise and overdeliver. Set the example.
Love: Wish the best for people. Be of service. When you’re here to be of service, it’s awfully hard to be judgmental, gossipy, or negative.
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